Pain…In Bursts

Mad Child, Angry Mama

There is a specific, particular kind of pain that brews, lurking and festering, taunting and warping the hearts of parents like me. There is an ache so deep and so all-encompassing, and still not properly describable. It grows like moss on the south side of the soul. And it sneaks up, unexpected, in the least obvious of moments and leaves a grief looming largely as the primary companion.

There are small reminders….like witnessing the “normals”, or overhearing conversations of more typical counterparts. I often have a grief hit me so instantaneously that I couldn’t have imagined it appearing moments earlier. I sometimes feel like an unwelcomed, annoying outcast, because I don’t make sense to so much of the world.

I hear others speak of their joys, and I am in no way claiming that I don’t, in other moments find my own joys of our journey and feel gratitude for…

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